it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
