should my penis look like a turkey
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
