Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
