I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
