i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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