Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
