At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
