Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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