Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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