wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
