Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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