toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize