Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
