Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
