Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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