Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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