Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
