remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
