i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
