New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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