There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the condom got lost in my hair
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
