I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize