there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
