I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
