So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
