In the future we'll all be gay
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
