dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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