i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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