I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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