I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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