she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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