I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
