you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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