oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
