he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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