Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
