i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
