Will you blow on my dice?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
