went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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