a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize