Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
