is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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