With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
