If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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