At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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