I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
