actually, I'm a sock model
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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