I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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