Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
