so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
