Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
