I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize