where am i from again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
