my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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