Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
