Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
