just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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