I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
