I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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