Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
