Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
