I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
