sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
