I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize