Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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