Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
