I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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