i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
