we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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