I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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