return my video game
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize