Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
